My words are starting to return a little bit. It's been months. Goodness only knows how long it'll take for them to be back to any kind of "normal" (for me) level. I think I wrote the quoted bit below about being wordless around a week ago. ____________________________ It's funny how wonky time goes. Buried, … Continue reading Broken But Building Back
I search for words, they elude me. Mockingly they sit just beyond my reach. The faster I seek, the faster they disappear. Blink. Blank. But I know who I am. I know what I value. I know what I believe. Harm is harm, no matter the intentions. Full consent requires honesty. On all … Continue reading Ending 2018
I started thinking about writing this post soon after my child had almost died in the hospital and I was routinely having meltdowns like clockwork every single week. By about two weeks after my child nearly died my weekly meltdowns had morphed into twice-weekly meltdowns -- Tuesdays and Thursdays, every single one. I was in … Continue reading That Fleeing Feeling
Part One Part Two It was a full eleven days after the total destruction of my Sarcophagus, my emotional containment system, before I was able to reach out for any real help. Prior to that day, I sincerely believed that it would kill me to reach out and receive no answer. I also knew for … Continue reading Becoming Me – Part 3
Part One CW: Suicidal thoughts (nothing specific), depression For sixteen years, my inner Sarcophagus (see part one) held for the most part. There were emotional leakages here and there, of course, but nothing too serious. Nothing that brought me even close to my near-disaster in college. Then this year happened. In March I made a … Continue reading Becoming Me – Part 2
CW: Self-medication, suicidal thoughts (nothing specific about either), depression Where to even start? I've written an entire novelized version of everything, but, oh my goodness, this year deserves a summary and a post. This year, I've become a real human. I'm no longer a wannabe emotionless robot. I'm human with all the joys, sorrows, successes, … Continue reading Becoming Me – Part 1
I was introduced to Torey Hayden's books in college by my Freshman year Foundations of Education professor. Her book, One Child, was required reading at some point or another during that year. The class was a year-long class and at the time I was a music education (double) major. I loved that education class, aside from … Continue reading Relating to Torey Hayden’s Books
Honestly, I've not given all that much thought to internalized ableism. I've read about it, yes. I've even written a little bit about it, but it has never topped my list of "things I need to personally work on." Until now. It has, rather abruptly, come to my attention that I have internalized way more … Continue reading Internalized Ableism, Others, and Reassurances
Re: Autistic people (especially children) and structure -- Based on my own experiences and those of other Autistic people with whom I've conversed about this issue, it's not usually structure or schedules, per se (on their own), that help us the most. Yet predictability can be an important support for us, especially when we're children. … Continue reading “Needing Structure” — What Does That Mean?
There's a lot of motivational speak out there that encourages just doing the thing (usually it's the exercise-related ones I see most often) if you don't want to. Generally speaking, that's probably good advice. I don't often want to do various things around the house or to take care of myself, but life is generally … Continue reading Just Do It! Or Not.