Ending 2018

I search for words, they elude me.

Mockingly they sit just beyond my reach.

The faster I seek, the faster they disappear.

Blink.

Blank.

 

But I know who I am.

I know what I value.

I know what I believe.

 

Harm is harm, no matter the intentions.

Full consent requires honesty.

On all sides.

 

Too much upcoming.

Too much miss, not enough understanding.

Fundamentally. Egregiously.

Misunderstandings make wordless.

 

So. Ending the year.

Not giving up.

I’ve always done my best and always will.

It’s all I can do.

 

May my words return.

Soon, please.

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4 thoughts on “Ending 2018

  1. Hang in there. Words will return. I’ve had a revelation about such things but I don’t know if it applies to your situation. I’ve realized for me it’s a matter of speaking two completely different languages but no one realizes it. We think it’s a simple matter of misunderstanding or differing perspectives but really every part the languages are entirely different, except for the sounds. They are the same. The communications exist without the forgiveness and patience typically found when two people realize they aren’t speaking the same language. Instead, it’s treated as an exhausting battle and interpreted all wrong. It’s also evaluated all wrong with hindsight and the illusion continues. At least, that’s how it seems for me. Hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! That was helpful and I appreciate it very much ❤ I read your comment when you posted it so it helped through the week, but couldn't manage coming here to respond until now.

      I've found some more words about it. Will schedule the post soon (still having Counterpart read through beforehand because I'm still learning to trust myself again) and figured out some more things. Autistic twitter has helped too. I had words for interacting there before I could find other words and that's been a comfort.

      I'm starting to think it's a wonder any effective communication ever happens between any two humans of any neurotype. Everyone is so different with different experiences and interpretations… humaning is hard. Thank you again for making it a little easier for me this past week!

      Liked by 1 person

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