My words aren’t going anywhere.
I don’t need to capture each one, frantically. They will still be here.
I don’t need to make up for those years, long ago tears.
I can allow myself to catch up, it cannot happen in one thrill.
Gradually let them unfold, the stories untold.
All meant to be written, will.
It has become clear to me that I’ve been trying to make up for the years when I largely let the issue of who I am lie dormant.
Last night, during an insightful Twitter conversation with some wonderful people in the Autistic Community whom I’ve met since starting this blog, I realized something. By trying to race the calendar, I’m likely also hurtling towards another period of burnout – which would mean more lost time.
Another dear friend had mentioned that possibility to me a few days ago, but often I need to hear, read, write, or say things more than once in order for them to really take hold.
Pacing myself doesn’t come naturally. I’m very much all-or-nothing when it comes to most things in life and that’s particularly true when it comes to learning and writing about things that interest me. This is complicated further by the fact that delving deeply into a new and/or fascinating topic is almost like taking an addictive drug.
Life is difficult? Research things! Write all the things! Learn more! About everything!
But on the other side of too much obsessive studying lies mental exhaustion and burnout.
So, in an effort to force myself to slow down my public writing at the very least, I’ve spaced out my upcoming scheduled posts a bit more. Because of the timing, the spacing won’t be obvious until next week.
I desperately want to catch up with the books and information that I missed during the years when I was overwhelmed because so much has happened since then!
I want to write all the words while they pour out of me, catch them all in writing, but I need to take care of myself also. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally so that I don’t get overwhelmed and need to retreat from learning about myself again.
Because that would be most regrettable.