I Have Time

There’s time.

My words aren’t going anywhere.

I don’t need to capture each one, frantically. They will still be here.

I don’t need to make up for those years, long ago tears.

I can allow myself to catch up, it cannot happen in one thrill.

Gradually let them unfold, the stories untold.

All meant to be written, will.

It has become clear to me that I’ve been trying to make up for the years when I largely let the issue of who I am lie dormant.

Last night, during an insightful Twitter conversation with some wonderful people in the Autistic Community whom I’ve met since starting this blog, I realized something. By trying to race the calendar, I’m likely also hurtling towards another period of burnout – which would mean more lost time.

Another dear friend had mentioned that possibility to me a few days ago, but often I need to hear, read, write, or say things more than once in order for them to really take hold.

Pacing myself doesn’t come naturally. I’m very much all-or-nothing when it comes to most things in life and that’s particularly true when it comes to learning and writing about things that interest me. This is complicated further by the fact that delving deeply into a new and/or fascinating topic is almost like taking an addictive drug.

Life is difficult? Research things! Write all the things! Learn more! About everything!

But on the other side of too much obsessive studying lies mental exhaustion and burnout.

So, in an effort to force myself to slow down my public writing at the very least, I’ve spaced out my upcoming scheduled posts a bit more. Because of the timing, the spacing won’t be obvious until next week.

I desperately want to catch up with the books and information that I missed during the years when I was overwhelmed because so much has happened since then!

I want to write all the words while they pour out of me, catch them all in writing, but I need to take care of myself also. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally so that I don’t get overwhelmed and need to retreat from learning about myself again.

Because that would be most regrettable.

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6 thoughts on “I Have Time

  1. Just lovely, and so very identifiable.

    When I first started blogging I found myself writing post after post after post.

    I also had the wise words telling me it was ok to slow down. And I also needed to hear them more than once.

    Great post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! ❤

      It definitely helps to know that I'm not alone in needing to pull back and be reminded to relax and take time.

      Spacing them out also means that even if I continue writing regularly past this initial highly motivated stage, I'll have more time to reflect and edit. I already feel more relaxed!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Aspergirls? I’m not sure. I don’t see it on audible.com, but there might be other ways to get audio books too. I’m sorry I can’t be more help with that! I have trouble retaining information from audio books so I don’t tend to seek them out.

      I’m making lists of newer books to read also – taking my several years’ break means that a lot has been written since I was last immersing myself in this topic. The newer books might be more easily accessible in other forms too.

      I’m currently reading Neurotribes (they had a copy at my local bookstore!) and at the top of my list when I have book money again is “Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate” because I relate a great deal to the author’s blog so I figure her book should be excellent for me to read as well 🙂

      https://musingsofanaspie.com/tag/nerdy-shy-and-socially-inappropriate/

      Like

      1. I find that interesting-you can’t retain from audio and I can’t retain from reading. I was glad Neurotribes was available on audio. I haven’t been able to listen to very many autism books as they are only available in print. Very common sense-fact based book. I enjoy musings as well. Everyday Asperger’s is pretty good, too. I think Samantha Craft stopped blogging there, though as she has a new website-Spectrum Suite. Unstrange Mind is another good one. I can only really speak to my own experience on my blog. Don’t forget to use the library-they have online service now & you can download stuff if you own an e-reader or tablet.

        Like

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